I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
