i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
