Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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