so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
