Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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