You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
