I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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