I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
