the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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