he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
