you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
