Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
