the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
