My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
