Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
