3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and she was petting her beer can
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ladies don't puke and tell
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
