Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
