I wanna bring you to show and tell
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
