seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
