Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
