Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
