Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
