dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
