We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
