The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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