direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
