God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
