Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
