the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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