I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She needs sedatives and a leash
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
