Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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