Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
