I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
