I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
