He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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