he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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