i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
