just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
