bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
