every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
