so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
