I hate your face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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