Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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