dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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