I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
