I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
