so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
