So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
