I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
