does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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