All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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