We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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