I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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