I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
