Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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